Fat tony is the cancer of this city, and I am the... What cures cancer?

Chief Wiggum

Police chief wiggum: Put out an A.P.B on Uosdwis R Dewoh, better start with greek town!

Detective: Thats Homer J Simpson chief! You're reading it upside down.

Police chief wiggum: Err.. cancel that A.P.B! But err bring back some of them errm giro's!

Detective: Eh, chief.. You're talking into your wallet!

Your great-uncle Horace had a saying: "Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out." Of course, one day he put his theory into use, and it took thirty U.S. Marshalls to bring him down.

Marge

"Smell that Ralph? That's the smell of justice." "It smells like hot dogs."

I would like to be a butterfly. Because nobody suspects the butterfly.

Bart Simpson

"Dad! We've done something awful!"

"Did you wreck the car?"

"No"

"Did you raise the dead?"

"Yes"

"But the car is okay?"

"Yes"

"Well run along then"

It tastes like burning.

Ralph

Oppression and harassment are a good price to pay, to live in the land of the free

Mr. Burns

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Ralph Wiggums

Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

Lisa Simpson

Oh crap, I've wasted my life

Boy , Moe, that team sure sucked last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Homer

Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

Homer

I like my beer coldmy TV loudand my homosexuals flaming.

Homer

English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

Homer

Grammar is not a time of waste!

written on blackboard at the start 

I'd rather let 5000 guilty men go free, then chase after them.

Chief Wiggums

Homer: Now remember Lisa, always give in to peer pressure.
Lisa: But what if someone really bad tells me to do something really bad and...
Homer: ALWAYS

Uuuh nah, you got the wrong number, this is 91... 2

Chief Wiggums

Me fail english? That's unpossible!

Ralph Wiggums

It's funny because it's true.

Fat Tony

Marriage is like living with your best friend, except he lets you touch his boobs.

Homer

They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I've never fully understood why that is. Frankly, I can see an upside to it.

Grandpa Simpson

When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University.

Ralph Wiggum

Homer: So whaddya think Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of no TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

And when the doctor said that I didnt have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life

Ralph Wiggum

You impressed me, and I'm not easily impressed. Wow a BLUE CAR!

Homer

Homer: Wanna play catch, boy?
Bart: Nah
Homer: What kind of world do we live in when a boy doesn't want to play baseball with his own father?
Abe Simpson (grandpa): I'll play with you son
Homer: Go home